Tired and .... more tired.

Ever since my miscarriage I've been kinda BLAHHHH. I guess I'm stuck in this rut and am not sure how to get out of it. I'm tired ALL of the time and am cranky a lot. I wake up tired, I go to bed tired, and am so tired during the day that I all I can think about is the end of the day when I can crawl into bed. I've found myself lost in conversations with other people and yet I have NO idea what the conversation is about because I am lost somewhere in la-la land. And somewhere along the line, my self-image has gone down the drain, because when I look in the mirror I just feel fat and ugly and I don't like the person staring back at me.

I just wish I knew how to get out of this rut and be back to "normal". It's been 2 weeks since my miscarriage "completed". I've heard that it can take between 4 - 6 weeks for your body to get back to normal. I can't even remember what it was like in 2006 after the first few weeks of my first m/c, it was all just a big blur. When I saw the doctor last week he said the tiredness was pretty normal and I shouldn't worry about it. He took a blood test and it showed that my HCG levels were at 10, and they should be at 2 or below, so I have to go in next week to have them re-checked. I just want to get back to normal!! But I don't even know what "normal" is. When I allow myself to feel anything, I get this pain in my gut and I just feel like a part of me has died....and that hurts more than anything in the world. I just don't want to think about it, I just want to be normal again...