Bleh.

I'm still "under the influence" of all of my medications. I'll be SO glad when I can get off of the Methergine. I guess I'm still pretty out of it. I went outside today for a brief 5 minutes or so to take some pictures -- I needed a change of scenery from where I have been for the past 3 days, which is sitting in my living room in front of the TV or in bed. I took about 30 pictures...some of flowers, and quite a few of the fox neighbor outside. I knew that a few of them would not turn out well.. but when I got inside and looked at them, there were only TWO pictures that were even slightly ok. So I must still be very out of it

I can't help but think, maybe I'm just not meant to be a mommy? I know I'm selfish... I think of myself more than others most of the time. What's best for me, how will that affect me, how can I make life better for me, this inconveniences me, I don't feel like it, etc. It seems to always be about me. You can't be selfish and be a mommy. So maybe I'm just too selfish to be a mommy... I don't know. I just know that my heart hurts and that Mother's Day is really going to hurt. I wish I could sleep the entire day away, but I have to go back to work the next day and I need to snap out of it. I know that my mom will be hurt if I don't see her, and I want Daryl to be able to spend it with his mom too. So my mom is going to come over and help Daryl fix some lunch for me, Daryl, mom, and Daryl's parents, while I relax on the couch. I know it's not a very good hostess of me, but I can't help that I just had surgery! I can't go out anywhere, because I am on sick time at work, and I don't FEEL like going out anywhere anyway. Bleh.