Today's Problems

Today I am back on only 1 dose of Vicoprofen and I am hoping that I don't get the side side effects that I did when I doubled up on it. I'm doing ok so far, even though I feel a little drunk from all of this medication I have been taking.

Here is my problem: I had *one* time that I cried about it, and that was at work when I burst into sobs and sobbed for about an hour -- that was Tuesday of last week. It was pretty bad. Ever since I found out that I would be miscarrying and started miscarrying, I have been on pain medications. The cramping has been VERY bad, bad enough that OTC medications (ibuprofen, for instance) do not even come close to helping. For me, prescription pain medications make me very happy. They make me feel like I am walking on clouds, everything is funny, and I love everything and everyone, no matter how rude or mean they have ever been to me. So I have not really had the chance to even think about what is going on with my body. I have not had the chance to grieve my loss, or try to start to move on, or get over it. I'm afraid of what is going to happen when my medications wear off! I don't want to be miserable or depressed but I know that is probably what is coming. :(

On top of this, everyone else is having problems right now too. One of my best friends is really struggling with her hubby being gone to Iraq, my other best friend is sick all of the time and taking care of 2 babies in diapers, and my sister is having problems of her own. I want to help everybody but I don't know how!!! I wish I had the solution to everyone's problems. Hopefully it helps that I can listen to them talk, but I feel badly that I can't do anything to solve their problems. :(

My horrible day and night

Well, here we go. This is more of a personal rant, and I don't expect anyone to read this, nor do I expect anyone to reply. It has ALWAYS helped me to get my feelings out by writing them, so this is more of a personal journal.

I had some problems over the weekend (bleeding a lot and having mega cramps). I had taken some mild (yet still narcotic) pain killers, but even with them, I was still feeling heavy cramping -- all of this while I was at work. So I called my doctor early Monday to see how we could solve this problem. He examined me and did an ultrasound. He found that it looked like I had passed the gestational sac but there was still lots of tissue and stuff in my uterus that needed to come out for me to be back to normal. He gave me 2 options:

1) Have a D&C. It's a surgery, so there are always risks of going under anesthesia and also risks of possibly damaging my uterine organs since it is such a delicate procedure. The only GOOD part is that everything would be over quicker and this constant bleeding and cramping would not last much longer, and I could finally grieve and start to move on.

2) Take a medication called "Methergine" that SHOULD expel everything from my uterus and put my back to normal. The down sides: heavy cramping, more bleeding, dragging the process out, and the possibility of still having to have a D&C if everything doesn't come out like it is supposed to.

I chose option 2. I started on the Methergine yesterday (3 times daily) and he also prescribed me some Vicoprofen (every 4 hrs) and an antibiotic (2 times daily). I had THE WORST cramps yesterday on my drive to work. When I got to work and onto the bathroom, I had passed some pretty thick tissue (which was probably why I was having such horrible cramping). The vicoprofen apparently was not working like it should have. So I called the doctor again and he said I could take 2 vicoprofen on my next dose time. I took 2, and it made me feel horribly drunk, but the pain was gone. However --- EVERYWHERE on my body started itching. I called the pharmacist and he said I could take Benadryl to counteract the itching. I did, and it helped a LITTLE but not much. I FINALLY got through the end of my shift and drove home.

When I got home, it was time for my next dose of pain meds. I took them gratefully. I also took TWO Benadryl this time, but the pain meds still made me itch all over. It also made me VERY hungry... I ate a banana split when I got home. Then I cut up half a cucumber and ate it. Then I throwing candy into my mouth like there was no tomorrow. Then Daryl said I was going a little bonkers on the food (LOL!) so I decided it was time for bed.

I was so tired I was practically falling asleep standing. But when I got to bed, I remembered instantly why I had not liked taking this medication before. It makes me psychotic at bedtime... LOL! Actually it isn't funny. Each time I would try to go to sleep, I would involuntarily kick my legs. If that didn't happen, I would start seeing and hearing things -- people outside my window talking to me, or little rats gnawing on things under the bed. I would try to think good thoughts, like of Jesus up in Heaven - but then his face would turn into the devil with horns and he'd chase after me. (I know, it's really messed up). I'd try to think of good people doing good things, but they would turn into bad people and come after me with guns. When I tried to drift off to sleep, I would start to yell, but I didn't want to wake up Daryl so I would stop myself and force myself to wake up. I was EXHAUSTED but could not fall asleep because of this stuff. This went on and on and on for over an hour. I'd finally had enough, so I got out of bed and went into the living room. I turned on something pleasant on TV and took a sleeping pill (after getting online to make sure that it wouldn't interact badly with all of the other medication I had taken that day). Finally finally finally, at 3 AM I got to sleep.