MRIs

So I did miscarry not long after my last post, and I wasn't too far along, so it actually wasn't bad. I was scared to death of a natural miscarriage (because of my experience last time), but it wasn't too painful this time (thank God). There goes baby #5...ugh, it's just so hard to even think about.

I've had 2 MRIs of my uterus so far. The first one was a top view and the second was a side view, since the first view wasn't very helpful. My nurse spoke with the doctor and radiologist about the results and called me a few days ago. They initially thought it was "uterus didelphys", which is two completely separate uteri with 2 separate cervix. Well, I do have 2 cervix, but there is about a 2cm space on the very bottom of where the uteri are supposed to connect that is open. So that space is a "hostile environment" for any baby that tries to implant there, I guess from lack of nutrients and lack of room to grow. So that might very well be a cause of my incessent miscarrying. How sad that my own body is unsafe for the babies it makes.

So I'll be talking to the doctor on December 9th to see what we can do about this. She has talked about surgery, which scares the pee out of me. I guess it would entail sewing the uteri into one, or something like that. She said I would be off of work for 3 weeks and would not be able to even try to get pregnant for at least 3 months after it. Ugh...that just breaks my heart to think about, knowing for that 3+ lonnnng months, I won't even be able to have a chance at a pregnancy. But I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

1 Day Past Surgery

Mom spent the night last night, which was very peaceful. (I don't know that a girl ever stops needing her mom) Daryl went off to work half the day, so mom stayed with me, made me a yummy brunch, and took care of me for the morning and part of the afternoon. I have figured out (the hard way) that I DON'T like being alone right now, but I guess that can't be helped at certain times.

A day past surgery and I'm still quite miserable. I think the anesthesia has worn off now, for the most part, because I'm feeling quite a bit more pain than yesterday, and some intense cramping also. My throat hurts, probably from being intubated during surgery -- didn't feel it yesterday but I sure feel it today! My neck hurts quite a bit, for whatever reason. My stomach feels like someone has scraped out the insides of it... oh wait, that was my uterus, not stomach, but close enough. The throat hurting thing makes it fairly difficult to cry... every time the tears well up in my eyes, my throat starts throbbing. So crying is a lose-lose situation for me right now, though it hasn't stopped me from doing so many times today.

I'm sure I'm sounding like a miserable grump, but I just feel pretty darn miserable and down right now. I'm still taking the Vicoprofen for pain, the Methergine to "clamp" and expel anything left in my uterus(es), the antibiotic to keep my uterus(es) from getting infected, and the occasional anti-nausea medicine that I rub on my stomach or wrist. This Methergine is quite the evil pill, but I think it gets the job done.... I can't wait til I take my last dose in a day in a half! My digestive system isn't working very well right now, which definitely makes things slightly... uh...more uncomfortable.

I took a shower this evening, which briefly made me feel a little better. Then I looked in the mirror and wished I hadn't...ha! I still look like hell. I'd like to get a short hair cut sometime this week, but I'm not entirely certain what I want to do yet. So life is pretty miserable right now, but I'm hoping and praying that there are better days ahead. I'm supposed to return to work on Monday... I hope that I'll be up for it. Even if I'm not entirely, I think a change of scenery will be good for me.