Well...

I guess nobody reads my blog... lol. I still haven't told all of my family members that I am pregnant, and apparently none of them read my blog or else they'd be calling to congradulate me...ha! Oh well.

I'm 6 weeks today!!! Only 3 more lonnnnng days until my first ultrasound. I'm so nervous about it....so so nervous. But I realize I have no conrol over my baby (to an extent) and just need to let it go into God's hands. It's so tough though!

Doing Better... I think?

A few days ago when I got home from work I had cottage cheese, pineapples, pickles, olives, pickled okra, a pepper, and chocolate. Yum!

From my calculations right now, I should be 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant today. I'm feeling better today, mainly because I'm feeling worse (like that made any sense.) But I know I'm still not over the hump, if I ever will be! I know also that even if I have morning sickness symptoms, it doesn't mean the pregnancy is healthy (yes, I know that from experience.) I am certainly having pregnancy symptoms -- sore boobs, major heartburn, tiredness, sluggishness, sick to my stomach a lot-- to say the least. And to think, actual "morning sickness" hasn't even started! But I'll just keep on praying and keep on being careful with what I do and eat, and just have to wait and see.

Worried, probably for no reason

I have been a little worried today, but worrying does no good. It doesn't fix anything, it doesn't solve any problems, it just makes me sick to my stomach and feel crappy. I don't even know why I've been so worried! I have no bad signs that there is something wrong with baby. My boobs are still sore every once in a while, I still feel icky if I sit in the wrong position for too long, my lower back still aches a little bit when I sit down for too long. I've read that the "real" morning sickness doesn't really start until 6 weeks, which I will be on Sunday, but for whatever reason my crazy mind thinks I should be sick NOW. So.... I dunno. I'll just have to leave it in God's hands because it is totally out of my control. My ultrasound is not until April 30th, so I'll just have to wait until then.

It's gonna be a long 9 months!

Well, I have absolutely no idea who reads this, so hopefully I'm not sticking you with too big of a shocker!

I found out on the 10th that I am pregnant!!! I am so super excited. I didn't tell many people, even family, because I wanted to get some tests run first to see if it was good or not. I didn't really want to tell my work yet, because I know its an inconveniece for me to be on Light Duty, but I caved and got my doctor's
note and told them. I'd rather just play it safe at this point.

These are what they my HCG levels were:
* April 10th, 11 DPO, HCG = 22

* April 14th, 15 DPO, HCG = 98

* April 16th, 17 DPO, HCG = 236

(DPO = Days Past Ovulation)

If you don't know anything about HCG levels, those are good numbers! HCG is the basic pregnancy hormone , and right now should be doubling every 48 hrs or so. So those 3 tests looked good and the doctor wants to see me on April 30th for my first ultrasound, which I am very nervous about! He has put me on Progesterone, which is basically the hormone that helps sustain the pregnancy. I don't think I've had any bad side effects from it, but it's hard to differentiate them from my regular pregnancy symptoms.

So as of today I'm about 5 weeks and 1 day pregnant. (yes, I found out VERY EARLY that I wad pregnant) Haven't had SUPER bad morning sickness yet, but I've read that it should start around 6 weeks -- yay! Haha. I have, however, had the super tiredness that comes wih pregnancy. It's like no tiredness you've ever felt, because it pretty much never goes away! But that should get better in my second trimester (Lord willing I make it that far). Right now, I wake up feeling sick (and that may be from the progesterone, I dunno) and I go to bed feeling a little sick. If I sit down for too long, I get crampy, but walking around fixes that quickly. If I stand up for too long, I feel dizzy, so sitting down helps. LOL! The joys of pregnancy. :)

Tired and .... more tired.

Ever since my miscarriage I've been kinda BLAHHHH. I guess I'm stuck in this rut and am not sure how to get out of it. I'm tired ALL of the time and am cranky a lot. I wake up tired, I go to bed tired, and am so tired during the day that I all I can think about is the end of the day when I can crawl into bed. I've found myself lost in conversations with other people and yet I have NO idea what the conversation is about because I am lost somewhere in la-la land. And somewhere along the line, my self-image has gone down the drain, because when I look in the mirror I just feel fat and ugly and I don't like the person staring back at me.

I just wish I knew how to get out of this rut and be back to "normal". It's been 2 weeks since my miscarriage "completed". I've heard that it can take between 4 - 6 weeks for your body to get back to normal. I can't even remember what it was like in 2006 after the first few weeks of my first m/c, it was all just a big blur. When I saw the doctor last week he said the tiredness was pretty normal and I shouldn't worry about it. He took a blood test and it showed that my HCG levels were at 10, and they should be at 2 or below, so I have to go in next week to have them re-checked. I just want to get back to normal!! But I don't even know what "normal" is. When I allow myself to feel anything, I get this pain in my gut and I just feel like a part of me has died....and that hurts more than anything in the world. I just don't want to think about it, I just want to be normal again...