9wks 3days

So, I guess I'm finally going to admit that I'm pregnant. It hasn't exactly been a secret, but I haven't exactly come right out and told people about it. After 5 miscarriages, I really don't think I need to explain my reasoning behind that.

I found out I was pregnant on November 29th. I had an initial HCG test of 82 on December 1st (I was about 3wks 6days), which was a little bit low and led me to believe that this was not a good pregnancy. A week and a half later, I began spotting. I thought that for sure I was having a another dreaded miscarriage and had given up all hope. I had another HCG test done (on the day that my sister was giving birth, no less!) and it was 23,000! So I went in for an ultrasound on December 16th (6wks) and saw that, indeed, there still was a baby in there. I took it VERY easy for about a week and a half after that. I had another ultrasound on December 29th (7wks 6day) which showed the growing baby with a heartrate of 155!! And I had yet another ultrasound on January 5th (8wks 6day) which showed a growing baby with a heartrate of 171. The doctor says this is all well and good so far and he will monitor me very closely. Each time I go in, the ultrasound seems to fluctuate a day or two. The doctor assured me that at this stage, that is perfectly normal (even to fluctuate from up to plus or minus 3 days). As of now, my due date would be August 11th - 4 days after my 25th birthday!!

I know I should be very, very happy about this, and I am, in a way. I'm still just very cautious about it. It was incredible to see the baby with a beautiful beating heart two times, but I've been down that road before, and it led to my own severe heartbreak eventually. The more I see my baby, the more I fall in love with it. The more I love it, the more it will ache if the baby doesn't make it. I just want to be past the point in my pregnancy where I worry everyday....it's really wearing me out.

I have been nauseated, queasy, and extremely fatigued (not to mention other symptoms...) for weeks now. I haven't thrown up (yay!) but would probably feel better if I could. I will grin and bear it, only because I hope there is something better ahead! I have read the articles that say that once you see a good heartrate past 7 weeks, you are very, very likely not to miscarry. But I am still skeptical, because I have been there before already and did miscarry!

No Tests, Please

I'm gonna call my doctor tomorrow and see what she wants me to do, if she wants to do anything different this time. I know that, if I have a choice, I dont want to do the quantitative HCG tests like I did the last 3 times. It basically goes like this: I get vampired at the doctor, I wait with nauseaus butterflies in my stomach for a day or two, I get the results, I obsess over whether they are good or bad, then I wait nauseously again for the test in 48hrs, I get vampired, wait for results, and spend too many hours crying and obsessing over them again. Its a completely vicious cycle! I can't see what good it does, beside make me an nervous, anxious mess. I'm gonna be nervous and anxious enough as it is, I dont need it compounded by the numbers obsession. So, if my doctor doesn't mind, I won't get the HCG level tests. I'll wait until at least the 7th week (which should be in 3 weeks) to get my first ultrasound also (which should be ample time to see the heartbeat, if there is one). If the baby is going to die, there is (heartbreakingly) nothing I can do about it, I don't need to worry myself to death in the mean time. (I guess I'll have to wait to see what the doctor says about that though!)

P.S. It still doesn't seem real to me... after 1 Equate preg test and 1 Clearblue Easy Digital yesterday, both of which clearly said "PREGNANT", I still can't convince myself. I feel like I could wake up any minute and this all be a dream! Ugh. I'm ready for the barfy, 24/7 morning sickness! With every pregnancy the moment I stopped feeling sick was when the baby died... ugh. (now do you see why I can't help but obsess???)

My Levels

Well my doctor's nurse finally decided to call me back today! My HCG level was 201 and my Progeserone was 9.8. She said the HCG looked good but the Progesterone was a little low. She called in a prescription for Progesterone (not the kind you take orally...if you ladies know what I mean) for me that I picked up this afternoon. The guy at the pharmacy said his wife went through several miscarriages and he almost swears by these things. Of course if it is not a good pregnancy then the progesterone won't matter, but if it is a good one and my body simply isn't producing enough, these should definitely help it. I have another blood test on Tuesday and they are looking for the numbers to have doubled about every 48 hrs. So... it's back to the waiting game.

It's gonna be a long 9 months!

Well, I have absolutely no idea who reads this, so hopefully I'm not sticking you with too big of a shocker!

I found out on the 10th that I am pregnant!!! I am so super excited. I didn't tell many people, even family, because I wanted to get some tests run first to see if it was good or not. I didn't really want to tell my work yet, because I know its an inconveniece for me to be on Light Duty, but I caved and got my doctor's
note and told them. I'd rather just play it safe at this point.

These are what they my HCG levels were:
* April 10th, 11 DPO, HCG = 22

* April 14th, 15 DPO, HCG = 98

* April 16th, 17 DPO, HCG = 236

(DPO = Days Past Ovulation)

If you don't know anything about HCG levels, those are good numbers! HCG is the basic pregnancy hormone , and right now should be doubling every 48 hrs or so. So those 3 tests looked good and the doctor wants to see me on April 30th for my first ultrasound, which I am very nervous about! He has put me on Progesterone, which is basically the hormone that helps sustain the pregnancy. I don't think I've had any bad side effects from it, but it's hard to differentiate them from my regular pregnancy symptoms.

So as of today I'm about 5 weeks and 1 day pregnant. (yes, I found out VERY EARLY that I wad pregnant) Haven't had SUPER bad morning sickness yet, but I've read that it should start around 6 weeks -- yay! Haha. I have, however, had the super tiredness that comes wih pregnancy. It's like no tiredness you've ever felt, because it pretty much never goes away! But that should get better in my second trimester (Lord willing I make it that far). Right now, I wake up feeling sick (and that may be from the progesterone, I dunno) and I go to bed feeling a little sick. If I sit down for too long, I get crampy, but walking around fixes that quickly. If I stand up for too long, I feel dizzy, so sitting down helps. LOL! The joys of pregnancy. :)