12 weeks, 3 days

My doctor's appointment went very well Thursday, I was very pleased. I have this tendency of freaking out beforehand, thinking about all of the things that could go or could have already gone wrong. I was quite sick to my stomach right before the appointment and was practically holding my breath when he went to start the ultrasound. I didn't see the heartbeat right at first but he quickly measured it and it was 161, which he referred to as "excellent" (yay!).

It was incredible to see the baby moving around in there. I had never had an ultrasound where the baby was moving...I'd never actually made it that far. The last ultrasound that I had around 11-12wks (in 2006) was my very first miscarriage where I found out my baby was no longer alive. So, to be here where I am right now is just incredible. To see the growth, even in 2 weeks, (he'd grown his little arms and legs and fingers and hands!!) was amazing. The doctor showed me where the placenta was and that it was in a good place and doing well, and also he showed me the umbilical cord and how it was doing a nice job of pumping blood to the baby. I can't believe that baby is just so tiny right now yet is so very developed...the miracle of life is just indescribable. I seem to have forgotten all of the misery, nausea, and other uncomfortable unmentionables that I've had in the last 2 months. Well..except the stuffy nose from hell, it's still here, but I'm hoping and praying it goes away very quickly.

And yes...I'm saying "he" now. My doctor said the baby "had potential" for being a boy. Lol! I, for some reason, have been really prepared for a girl, so I might have to change my manner of thinking. But we'll know for sure (or actually, for almost sure, since they're sometimes not always correct) in a few weeks. I've waited so long for this, I really don't care anymore if it is a boy or girl, I just want a healthy baby. I'll leave you with my ultrasound photos that I have finally scanned and decided I am ready to share with you.

P.S. On Monday I'll be out of my first trimester!!! Wheeeee!!!!!!!



This was my very first ultrasound, 12-16-08, 5wks 5days. It's not much to see, but I saw the gestational sac and the little heart fluttering away, so I was pretty excited (especially after I was just certain that I had already lost the baby). I guess the picture on the left is my other uterus. The baby implanted in the left uterus this time - it has ALWAYS been on the right uterus, so maybe that's a good sign?




12-29-08, 7wks 6days. I'm not sure how many pics we can take of just one baby, but apparently at least 6!! It's ok though, I'm not complaining!!!





01-05-09, 8wks 5days (both picture sets). The top one shows that, even though I have two uteri, I only have one baby. Baby is a bit more distinguishable here, but still looks a bit blobby.



01-14-09, 10wks 2days. Hubby says baby looks like a gerbil!



01-29-09, 12wks 3days. My little alien!! He just gets cuter and cuter every time I see him.

9wks 3days

So, I guess I'm finally going to admit that I'm pregnant. It hasn't exactly been a secret, but I haven't exactly come right out and told people about it. After 5 miscarriages, I really don't think I need to explain my reasoning behind that.

I found out I was pregnant on November 29th. I had an initial HCG test of 82 on December 1st (I was about 3wks 6days), which was a little bit low and led me to believe that this was not a good pregnancy. A week and a half later, I began spotting. I thought that for sure I was having a another dreaded miscarriage and had given up all hope. I had another HCG test done (on the day that my sister was giving birth, no less!) and it was 23,000! So I went in for an ultrasound on December 16th (6wks) and saw that, indeed, there still was a baby in there. I took it VERY easy for about a week and a half after that. I had another ultrasound on December 29th (7wks 6day) which showed the growing baby with a heartrate of 155!! And I had yet another ultrasound on January 5th (8wks 6day) which showed a growing baby with a heartrate of 171. The doctor says this is all well and good so far and he will monitor me very closely. Each time I go in, the ultrasound seems to fluctuate a day or two. The doctor assured me that at this stage, that is perfectly normal (even to fluctuate from up to plus or minus 3 days). As of now, my due date would be August 11th - 4 days after my 25th birthday!!

I know I should be very, very happy about this, and I am, in a way. I'm still just very cautious about it. It was incredible to see the baby with a beautiful beating heart two times, but I've been down that road before, and it led to my own severe heartbreak eventually. The more I see my baby, the more I fall in love with it. The more I love it, the more it will ache if the baby doesn't make it. I just want to be past the point in my pregnancy where I worry everyday....it's really wearing me out.

I have been nauseated, queasy, and extremely fatigued (not to mention other symptoms...) for weeks now. I haven't thrown up (yay!) but would probably feel better if I could. I will grin and bear it, only because I hope there is something better ahead! I have read the articles that say that once you see a good heartrate past 7 weeks, you are very, very likely not to miscarry. But I am still skeptical, because I have been there before already and did miscarry!

Bad News Today.

I don't really know what to think right now. I didn't get to talk to the doctor today because he was out of town. The u/s tech told me that baby was measuring 6 weeks exactly (I should be 7+ weeks) but the sac was even less than that. She looked and looked but could not find a heartbeat - that's not good, considering he could at least see one at the last apt. So I don't get to talk to the doc until at least tomorrow. I know that it'll be bad news. I was bleeding a little last night and spotting today...and I know my body... I know what is coming, I can feel it. This is going to be so hard to deal with.

Well...

I guess nobody reads my blog... lol. I still haven't told all of my family members that I am pregnant, and apparently none of them read my blog or else they'd be calling to congradulate me...ha! Oh well.

I'm 6 weeks today!!! Only 3 more lonnnnng days until my first ultrasound. I'm so nervous about it....so so nervous. But I realize I have no conrol over my baby (to an extent) and just need to let it go into God's hands. It's so tough though!