9wks 3days

So, I guess I'm finally going to admit that I'm pregnant. It hasn't exactly been a secret, but I haven't exactly come right out and told people about it. After 5 miscarriages, I really don't think I need to explain my reasoning behind that.

I found out I was pregnant on November 29th. I had an initial HCG test of 82 on December 1st (I was about 3wks 6days), which was a little bit low and led me to believe that this was not a good pregnancy. A week and a half later, I began spotting. I thought that for sure I was having a another dreaded miscarriage and had given up all hope. I had another HCG test done (on the day that my sister was giving birth, no less!) and it was 23,000! So I went in for an ultrasound on December 16th (6wks) and saw that, indeed, there still was a baby in there. I took it VERY easy for about a week and a half after that. I had another ultrasound on December 29th (7wks 6day) which showed the growing baby with a heartrate of 155!! And I had yet another ultrasound on January 5th (8wks 6day) which showed a growing baby with a heartrate of 171. The doctor says this is all well and good so far and he will monitor me very closely. Each time I go in, the ultrasound seems to fluctuate a day or two. The doctor assured me that at this stage, that is perfectly normal (even to fluctuate from up to plus or minus 3 days). As of now, my due date would be August 11th - 4 days after my 25th birthday!!

I know I should be very, very happy about this, and I am, in a way. I'm still just very cautious about it. It was incredible to see the baby with a beautiful beating heart two times, but I've been down that road before, and it led to my own severe heartbreak eventually. The more I see my baby, the more I fall in love with it. The more I love it, the more it will ache if the baby doesn't make it. I just want to be past the point in my pregnancy where I worry everyday....it's really wearing me out.

I have been nauseated, queasy, and extremely fatigued (not to mention other symptoms...) for weeks now. I haven't thrown up (yay!) but would probably feel better if I could. I will grin and bear it, only because I hope there is something better ahead! I have read the articles that say that once you see a good heartrate past 7 weeks, you are very, very likely not to miscarry. But I am still skeptical, because I have been there before already and did miscarry!