1 Day Past Surgery

Mom spent the night last night, which was very peaceful. (I don't know that a girl ever stops needing her mom) Daryl went off to work half the day, so mom stayed with me, made me a yummy brunch, and took care of me for the morning and part of the afternoon. I have figured out (the hard way) that I DON'T like being alone right now, but I guess that can't be helped at certain times.

A day past surgery and I'm still quite miserable. I think the anesthesia has worn off now, for the most part, because I'm feeling quite a bit more pain than yesterday, and some intense cramping also. My throat hurts, probably from being intubated during surgery -- didn't feel it yesterday but I sure feel it today! My neck hurts quite a bit, for whatever reason. My stomach feels like someone has scraped out the insides of it... oh wait, that was my uterus, not stomach, but close enough. The throat hurting thing makes it fairly difficult to cry... every time the tears well up in my eyes, my throat starts throbbing. So crying is a lose-lose situation for me right now, though it hasn't stopped me from doing so many times today.

I'm sure I'm sounding like a miserable grump, but I just feel pretty darn miserable and down right now. I'm still taking the Vicoprofen for pain, the Methergine to "clamp" and expel anything left in my uterus(es), the antibiotic to keep my uterus(es) from getting infected, and the occasional anti-nausea medicine that I rub on my stomach or wrist. This Methergine is quite the evil pill, but I think it gets the job done.... I can't wait til I take my last dose in a day in a half! My digestive system isn't working very well right now, which definitely makes things slightly... uh...more uncomfortable.

I took a shower this evening, which briefly made me feel a little better. Then I looked in the mirror and wished I hadn't...ha! I still look like hell. I'd like to get a short hair cut sometime this week, but I'm not entirely certain what I want to do yet. So life is pretty miserable right now, but I'm hoping and praying that there are better days ahead. I'm supposed to return to work on Monday... I hope that I'll be up for it. Even if I'm not entirely, I think a change of scenery will be good for me.

Post Surgery

Surgery went well. I waited for 2 hours in my surgery waiting area before they finally took me in, but it went pretty fast from there. My mom, sis, and hubby were there with me. It was nice because they made the time go by fast.

They took me into the OR and I got to talk to my doctor for a few minutes. He was very kind and helpful... I'm very sad that he will be moving his practice to Texas in a couple weeks! It's hard to find a really good doctor these days. The put my arms down on little "arm rests" on the surgery table, and covered them with a warm blanket. They placed the "oxygen mask" -- "this is just oxygen, I swear!" -- over my mouth and nose, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up FREEZING in the recovery room. After I shivered for a few minutes, the nurse came to me and covered me with several warm blankets (below the ones I already had). I don't know how long I was in there for, but they sent me to the family recovery waiting room after that. The first thing I remember is my mom saying "he got enough specimen/baby for the chromosomal testing!". I was very excited about that, because that's part of the reason I wanted the D&C and not the natural way this time. I was a little worried that he might not be able to get anything to test, because I had already started bleeding a little before the surgery. The results should be back in 3 - 5 weeks. I'll try not to think about it so it will go faster. I hope that my baby didn't have the same chromosomal disorder as the first one did, which was Trisomy 15. I don't think that is the case though, because this baby died 2 - 3 weeks before my first one did. My mom thinks this baby might have had a Trisomy disorder too, but we won't know until we get the results back. If so, that's probably going to be very bad news, because I don't know what we will be able to do about it, nor if we will ever be able to have a healthy baby. I want some answers but I know they will not come quickly.

I have been dead to the world out of it most of the day. I felt pretty good leaving the hospital around 1:00pm, but on the way home from the hospital, I started feel very queasy. When hubby dropped by the store to pick up cat litter and Ginger Ale for me, I thought I was going to pass out from being so nauseated. I called the doctor and he called in a script for me to pick up at the drugstore. I crawled into the back seat of the Toyota to lay down, and waited for hubby to get back. He came back in a couple of minutes and took me the rest of the way home. I practically ran to the bedroom where I could lay down. I took some pain meds, the Methergine (the same meds I took last time to clamp down the uterus and get out any leftover tissue), and waited for hubby to get back with my anti-nausea medication. Laying down helped the nausea significantly, so I was ok until Daryl got back with the medication. I laid down for a good 5 hours. I've been taking the medication my doctor gave me -- methergine (I'll take it for 3 whole days, I like to call it the medication that GIVES me great pain, LOL), vicoprofen (for the pain...ugh, there's lots of it), and the antibiotic (so my uterus doesn't get infected, that I take for 5 days.)

Mom came over and made my favorite dinner!! Mashed Potato Casserole -- I haven't had that in years. Yahoo! It was yummolicious, and helped me to feel a little bit better just by getting some food on my tummy. She's done my dishes and just been around to help me out and give me moral support. I love my mommy!! Hubby is here too, and holds me when I cry in bed at night and give me so much good moral support, but there is nothing like a mother's love.

Surgery

D&C tomorrow at 0930. I'm a little nervous about it but not too bad. I'm just ready for it to be over. I think (hope) this will help me emotionally... this way I don't have to agonize over every trip to the bathroom, or think too much about what happened/is happening. If possible, they are going to send the baby off to the lab for genetic testing.... I'm hoping that can give me answers on why I keep miscarrying. Then maybe we can find a solution to it and be able to actually have a healthy pregnancy. I'm not happy about this, but there is obviously nothing I can do. I've been balling my eyes out every chance I get. I don't know why the third miscarriage is hitting me so hard..maybe because I had so many plans and hopes and dreams for this baby. I really thought this baby would make it, but I guess I was wrong.

Bad News Today.

I don't really know what to think right now. I didn't get to talk to the doctor today because he was out of town. The u/s tech told me that baby was measuring 6 weeks exactly (I should be 7+ weeks) but the sac was even less than that. She looked and looked but could not find a heartbeat - that's not good, considering he could at least see one at the last apt. So I don't get to talk to the doc until at least tomorrow. I know that it'll be bad news. I was bleeding a little last night and spotting today...and I know my body... I know what is coming, I can feel it. This is going to be so hard to deal with.

A Little Confused...

Well I really can't tell if my doctor's appointment was good or bad today. In fact, I was so confused when I walked out and went to my car that I went back into the doctor's office to ask them to explain a little more. Don't get me wrong, I love my doctor (which sucks because he's moving to Texas after next week!), but I just left feeling confused and needed a little bit of explanation (which he gladly gave).

My ultrasound lasted for a long time, probably about 15 or 20 minutes (and was quite uncomfortable, let me tell you!). The doctor had a hard time differentiating between what was actually "baby" and what was part of the gestational sac. It truthfully looks like a little blob right now -- which doesn't bother me, because I know that it is a baby, not just a "blob". There was a faint heartbeat that could be barely seen, but measured (after tediously trying to find it) at less than 100 beats -- no exact number was known.

The doctor said that he was, at this point, "cautiously optimistic". He talked about back when I had my first HCG test, and my HCG number was 22, it looked pretty "dicey" but looked much better in the next few days when it was rising like it was supposed to. ((see previous blogs if you are confused here)) He said this could also be a case like that, where we would just need to watch for change at my next ultrasound (which is on Monday) and go from there.

The bottom line is that I'm obviously pregnant -- my boobs hurt, I'm super duper tired ALL of the time, I like foods that I don't normally like (chili and mint patties), I can't sit down for long without feeling blahhh, and I'm not feeling 100%. I can see at least SOMETHING in the gestational sac and that SOMETHING has a heartbeat....be it a not very strong heartbeat, at least not yet.

Now it's just a waiting game until Monday... I'm just praying that they can easily find a strong heartbeat and that they can measure baby and that baby is growing like (s)he is supposed to. I don't know if I can make it through a third miscarriage... Ugh.... I hhhhhate the waiting game!!!