Diet Coke

I really want a Diet Coke. (I really would like a Whiskey Sour too, but that's obviously completely out of the question!) I don't ever drink Diet Coke, I don't drink "diet" anything, ick! Well..until my body was invaded by this little guy (that's right, I'm about 95% sure it's a boy), but I don't mind! He makes me nauseated in the evening times and smell everything that normal people should not smell. My boobs also have been hurting insanely mad tonight. But it's ok... I love him with all of my heart....well, the pieces of my heart that I have left; the pieces that were ripped out and shipped off to heaven with my other 3 babies will never be returned to me.

Ultrasound...still not out of the water yet.

I had my ultrasound appointment today, but it didn't go quite the way that I had hoped it would. Sure, I got some good news, but it was coupled with some potentially bad or warning-type news.

I thought I would be elated about seeing the heartbeat, but I just couldn't help thinking about all the bad things that could still go wrong. The heartbeat measured around 125bpm, which my doctor said was good. But the potential bad news is that she said the yolk sac looked a little bigger than normal. She said that she does not normally tell women (who have had good pregnancies and are not generally at risk for miscarriage) that because it does not always indicate a problem but it sometimes can.

With my first baby, I can still see the ultrasound pic in my head. I believe that one had a bit of a larger sac also. I think the first heartrate we measured was at 125 and the second was at 140, and then you all know the story of what happened after that...so I just can't help but having flash-backs of that and being a bit panicy that this might turn out to be exactly the same. I was so terribly crushed with my first miscarriage, I think because I was so far along and I had seen the baby several times and was just completely attached to him. I don't know if I can go through that again, honestly.

So I am back at the waiting game...tick, tock, what will tomorrow hold?

The first pic is my ultrasound pic from last week, and I guess I was about 5wks 2 days here. (my due date has changed). It's transvaginal but is really still too small to see anything (I thought I was farther than I really was.)

This pic is the one from today, baby measured at 6wks 2 days. You still can't see much, but I could definitely see the heart beating when she was doing the ultrasound.

Headed Home...

So I'm presently sitting at the airport in Ft. Lauderdale, waiting to fly to Houston so that I can fly home to Tulsa. I've been feeling a bit nauseated lately, and I welcome it with open arms. (I know, I'm such a freak!) Every little kiddo I pass by just makes me well up with tears... I want this baby so bad, I want to be a mother, I want my husband to have the chance to be a father. I'm nervous about my ultrasound on Monday but am trying not to think about it. Please pray for me if you get the chance!

Signs

I know I said I dont believe in signs (i.e. pregnancy symptoms being good signs that the pregnancy is good), and I still dont. But I think I've been having some pretty good symptoms. My boobs hurt like crazy yesterday and hurt off and on today. I was feeling icky yesterday and a little today. I took a long nap today because I was just too tired to do anything else.

Did I mention I'm in Florida on one of hubby's business trips? Its SO beautiful here. I was born here!! (I just haven't been back since mom moved us to Oklahoma when I was still very little.) I'm kinda glad I have something to keep my mind occupied till the dreaded 2nd ultrasound on this coming Monday. Sucks though that there is all sorts of free alcohol and good drinks around where I am but I can't partake. Also there are gobs of cute bars and places to sit outside with a night cap, but like a boring old woman, I just go back to my room and sleep. But I can accept that, even with a smile on my face, if it means that I trade it for a healthy baby. Please keep praying for me!

Still Confused

Ok, I'm still confused. I had my ultrasound today. He saw a yolk sac and gestational sac but couldnt really see a baby or heartbeat. I'm supposed to go back in for another one in a week. He'll be looking for growth, and by that time he should be able to see a baby or heartbeat. He said it was possible that I ovulated later in my cycle and I'm not as far along as I thought. So... I don't know what to think. It's back at the waiting game for me. This sucks. I don't know how much more of this I can take!

Uncertainty

Not really feeling pregnant. I'm kinda dreading Monday's ultrasound. I've been feeling almost a little crampy... or mabye not exactly cramy, I don't know. I've been sick with this cold, so I don't know if what I'm feeling is aftermath from the cold or something else. I've been coughing a lot, so maybe it's just my stomach muscles being sore from coughing? I just hate being so uncertain. If I could just see or hear the little heartbeat...

Test Today

Well I'm a little confused... my HCG today was 821. I thought that was a little low (should have been closer to 1000) but she said it was "rising nicely" and some peoplel's levels rise differently. So I'm on pins and needles again until Monday, my first ultrasound. I'm trying not to get excited because I know how my last 3 pregnancies turned out. So I'm basically just waiting til I get farther along to see if this baby will make it or not. Ugh.

Nervous...

I'm just so anxious and nervous about my blood test tomorrow. I've had most of the regular pregnancy symptoms: very VERY sore boobs, extremely tired, and super-nose. Also have had the ones I've had with all of my pregnancies: itchy skin (mainly boobs and stomach), and breathlessness all of the time. But pregnancy symptoms mean nothing to me. So I'll have to wait until tomorrow to see what my HCG levels show. If my calcultions are correct, it should be between 1100 - 1600... ugh, I'm so nervous...

My Levels

Well my doctor's nurse finally decided to call me back today! My HCG level was 201 and my Progeserone was 9.8. She said the HCG looked good but the Progesterone was a little low. She called in a prescription for Progesterone (not the kind you take orally...if you ladies know what I mean) for me that I picked up this afternoon. The guy at the pharmacy said his wife went through several miscarriages and he almost swears by these things. Of course if it is not a good pregnancy then the progesterone won't matter, but if it is a good one and my body simply isn't producing enough, these should definitely help it. I have another blood test on Tuesday and they are looking for the numbers to have doubled about every 48 hrs. So... it's back to the waiting game.

Crampy?

Feeling a little crampy tonight. I can't really tell if it's crampy or something else. I've had this cold (or sinus infection or ear infection or whatever the heck this is!), so I've had drainage and stuffy and runny nose, sneezing, stuffy ears, scratchy and sore throat, etc for the past 2 days now. So I've had drainage running down into my stomach, maybe that's making me feel this way? My boobs have been so sore tonight and I've been so very tired, but I know that doesn't necessarily mean anything. So...I dunno. I guess I wait and see what the doctor says tomorrow about my HCG and Progesterone levels, if they are good or not. Ugh...it's like this is a game or something, but I have a sinking feeling that I'm going to lose!! Then if the levels were actually good, there would be the dreaded waiting for an ultrasound... ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Stuck In The Middle...

Not really feeling pregnant today. I have a cold (or sinus infection or something icky like that) that I have had for 3 days now....ugh, go away! I'm very tired and my boobs hurt on and off. When my nose isn't super stuffy like it is right now, I can smell VERY well, which is definitely a pregnancy symptom. Other than that, I'm not feeling much like a pregnant woman! I'm trying not to go on what I feel though, because I had signs and symptoms and morning sickness with the last 3 pregnancies and we all know the story of where those got me.

I had blood drawn today, they were checking my HCG and Progesterone levels. I should be 5 weeks today. THEY NEVER CALLED ME BACK!! Wah!!!! I waited paitently all afternoon, especially since they said they were going to call me after 3....but they never called. I feel like I've been stood up! It wasn't fair and I'm kinda pissed about it. :( So what can I do about it? I guess I'm just going to have to wait until the morning. Part of me thinks, "it was really bad news and they just didn't want to tell me, so they didn't call me back". And another part of me thinks, "it was so good that they felt they didn't need to call me!". Ugh! So now I'm back on the emotional roller coaster of "is the pregnancy good? am I going to miscarry? is it a healthy baby?"...arghhhh!!!!! I hate being stuck between a rock and a hard place like this.

A 4th time (sorry this is a few days late)

Ok, so maybe the 4th time is the charm? I found out on July 3rd that I am pregnant (again). It came as quite a surprise to me, as I didn't think that the timing was right for us this month! Finding out on vacation that I'm pregnant was quite the surprise... needless to say I had to change my diet a bit, LOL! It was kinda funny... I was feeling a little weird, being able to smell things like super woman, spotting just a little bit (I'd expected my time of the month to come on vacation) with no cramps (which was odd, because I usually get cramps from hell), and just feeling a little off. I didn't want to get Daryl's hopes up, so we made a quick trip to Wal-Mart and I got a pee test. At our next stop, I just couldn't wait any longer, so I went into the bathroom at the Indian Museam we were looking at and took it. (haha!!) I was SHOCKED when, after about a minute a faint faint line started to show. I thought it was just an evaporation line at first, but after about 3 minutes it was pretty clear. WOW!!!!! I didn't expect that at all. So after picking my jaw up off the floor, I quietly went out of the bathroom, stick in hand (wrapped up in a paper towel), and found Daryl. With my wide eyes and goofy smile, I said "we need to talk", and handed him the stick. He was very very excited, to say the least. :)

Anyway...don't laugh at me, but I carried the stick around with me in my purse for about 3 days and pulled it out and looked at it every once in a while. Gosh I didn't think I was attached to this pregnancy yet, but now that I read what I just wrote, I think I already am. The picture above was taken on the second day (in the car), so sorry it was all blurry.